oh sugar, sugar...

i had ice cream cake yesterday.  the first real sugar in nearly 12 days.

my coworker and i had an agreement, long before i quit sugar, that we would buy me an ice cream cake.  and yesterday he did.  i must admit that i was apathetic about the whole thing, which is odd for anyone who knows how much i LOVED ice cream cake (that was my only birthday request last year).  this apathy was a pleasant surprise. 

i agreed to eat it because it was technically a "celebration cake," so i cut myself a piece with the most icing and dug in.

i was immediately sick.  miserable.  bloated.  as good as it tasted for that temporary moment, the torture afterward was not worth it.  i struggled through the rest of the afternoon, feeling tired and sluggish, near the edge of throwing up.  a resolve grew slowly deep in me and i knew i wouldn't struggle with the remainder of the cake being in the ice cream.

the truth is, as hard as it was, that was a good experience for me.  it was like it became my decision.  i owned it.  before it was still my choice, obviously, but it still felt like deprivation.  i still longed for cookies after a long day, or for chocolate when i was tired.  but after the ice cream cake, it became a conscious decision.  i knew why i stopped consuming sugars/breads, and i felt joyful about the future of food, instead of dreading it.

many have asked why i've stopped consuming sugar, so i'm including a link to several articles addressing the issue:
More info on sugar

inspiration

i've just finished watching Julie & Julia with my sister.  and Alexi Murdoch is playing on my iTunes.  despite being completely exhausted, i feel a fresh wind of inspiration.

our seeds came for the beast of a garden we'll be planting shortly.  partly for fun, and partly because it makes me feel i'm moving closer to my dream, i've named our gardening project big blue marble farm.  "big blue marble" came when i looked up "earth" in the thesaurus.  since i want the garden to be earth centered,  i found this to be quite fitting.

our seeds are strictly heirloom, and i am preaching the dangers of GMO to anyone who will listen (and some who won't.  and some who will only do so grudgingly.

i did have a small victory though.  my dad, who i've been discussing this with, felt a need to visit a local farm/dairy, where he proceeded to buy local fruits, veggies, milk and steaks.  he told me he's excited to begin transitioning their grocery monies to this farm.  this was music to my ears, and i felt encouraged that i had a part to play in the changing of his mind.  yay for local eating!!

healing pains

i woke up with a migraine this morning.  for those who've never had one, it starts like this:

i get a small blur in my vision, little squigglies that keep me from seeing.  it's almost imperceptible at first, but then grows into a giant circle of squigglies that keep me from being able to read or see things appropriately.

then comes the headache.  pounding, throbbing, something is in there beating me up, headache.  and today's was a doosy. i went to the chiropractor, hoping a good adjustment would bring some relief.  but the headache was already in full swing so i walked around, a bit like a little kid just wanting to be picked up and rocked to sleep.

after about 5 hours of headache, and falling asleep at my desk, i decided on an early day and came home to sleep.  i slept like i hadn't slept in days.  i slept like it was my job.  i slept like a fat kid eats cookies...ok, you get it.  i slept hard.

i've been up for a couple of hours now, a general weakness and disoriented feeling about me.  in my migraine experience, when a headache wears off, i am left with the "aftershocks."  i basically feel like a stroke patient--my speech is very intentional because i feel i may slur at any moment, i'm slow and delayed in my movements and thoughts.  i just want to hole up and not see the world again.

so on my way home from a friend's going away party (i went despite the pain), i became very emotional as i battled with where this migraine is coming from.  like i said, i haven't had one in a loooonnggg time, due in part mostly because of regular visits to my chiropractor.  i am eating better than ever before, and running.  i'm doing everything right.

then i realized there is this untouchable place in me, deep down, that's storing some serious emotions.  as i prayed, i felt like a little kid again, just begging him to hold me, to release those emotions, to give me a vision and hope again.

the only conclusion i've come to is that i'm in the midst of healing pains.  i've cut out sugar and breads, both toxic to my body, but also emotional crutches.  i'm establishing healthy boundaries with loved ones and refocusing my money. working out regularly.  change is abounding.  chains are being broken.  and with that comes healing.  but just a deep wound must hurt before it's whole, so i am hurting as this healing process takes place. 

sugar-free

this ends day two with the absence of sugar products. i actually feel energetic and clear-headed, not sluggish and cloudy.

my health is a big part of the concern surrounding my desire to give up sugar and refined flours. another equally big part is the process of obtaining these materials--where/how they are grown and how we get them.

after a great conversation with two friends today regarding GMO seeds, i decided to host a "locals only" dinner to discuss eating locally. the night will feature a meal made only from locally grown foods and a movie or discussion related to the food industry. i want participants to have solutions, not just a barrage of problems to process through, so they will get lists of resources and suggestions for making changes. i also hope to maybe give away little container plants or something fun that can be grown anywhere.

i just got done combing the heirloom seed catalog, and grew very excited about one selection in particular. it is for a tomato called the "old italian." the narrative reads:

this heirloom was collected by a soldier who was stationed in Italy in World War II.

how amazing, to be growing, eating, and sharing such a crazy part of history.

Down with Monsanto

my desire to grow food started about three years ago. i've always been huge on hospitality, and serving good food to people developed out of that. i immersed myself in literature and began to fall in love with and learn more about the food growing process.

that being said, what i came to learn was greatly disheartening. the food system as we know it and currently interact with it is quite messed up. farmers no longer know the land the work, or the biosystems that surround it. in fact, they don't even farm "real" plants...everything is genetically modified or covered in pesticide. small farms are laden with organic labeling standards or battles with big corporations. this just isn't the way it's supposed to be. i became more and more resolved to do something.

so i began shopping at farmer's markets whenever possible. i read "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle" by Barbara Kingsolver and began to dream of the day that i, too, would live on a farm and grow my own food.

just recently i read a documentary called "The Future of Food." it caught my attention because of it's discussion of Monsanto. just two weeks ago i could not say that i honestly knew who Monsanto was. then i read an article about how they were suing a small farmer who's land bordered one of their farms. Monsanto's gmo-seed planted crops had cross-pollinated with those of the farmer and had begun growing on his land, without his permission.

because the seed was patented, Monsanto sued. the judge ruled in their favor, claiming that no matter how a seed came to be on someone's land, if it didn't belong there, that farmer was responsible. i was outraged to hear this story, as well as appalled and disgusted.

then i watched this documentary and my shock was elevated to pure hatred. Monsanto originally made Round-Up, an herbicide widely used to destroy weeds, that also will destroy any other living plant it lands on. including crops. using biotechnology, Monsanto's scientists found a way to use a virus--usually E. Coli--to invade the cells of the seeds and rearrange its DNA to resist herbicide. thus making it "Round-Up Ready".

then Monsanto spent a great amount of time/money buying up other seed companies so they would be the sole provider, thus making the money spent on both herbicide and seeds going to the same hands. they've also spent a great deal of energy crushing the small farmer, suing them for the natural cross-polination or transplanting of their seeds on other's lands.

perhaps the greatest frustration with Monsanto is their insistence on lying about all these things. to visit their website you would believe them to be the purest company with the greatest intentions. they've painted their mongering exploits as supportive of the family farm, their manipulation of nature's design as the true solution for starvation and crop destruction.

food growth is a slow process. it is our most important opportunity to be intimate with the land, to understand it and be a part of it. it is not fail-proof, cannot be manufactured to completely resist pests or herbicides or weather. to mess with that is to completely destroy the natural ecological systems that exist. and this comes with major ramifications.

my hatred of Monsanto goes so deep, that i've actually begun to explore ways to protest them altogether. for instance, GMO corn goes toward high-fructose corn syrup. therefore, i hope to give up anything with that ingredient. i'm also opposed to anything they create: Round-Up, etc. there are better ways to control weeds.

the good news is, their are better choices we can all make. community-sponsored agriculture is one. this allows a person to partner with a local farm financially and get fresh fruits and vegetables all throughout the harvest season. another is to grow your own food, or partner with friends to do so.

my roommate and i have begun to use Farm Fresh Delivery, which partners with the most local farm to provide organic produce. we plan to begin shopping at the farmer's market in a couple weeks, then to grow our own throughout the summer. we are looking to have nothing to do with GMO seeds.

our farm, which is just a backyard garden at this junction, will be GMO free, organic and earth-centered. i call it a farm because deep down i dream of it growing to be that big. we're toying with names and my fav is big blue marble farms. i just happened to plug "earth" into the online thesaurus and "big blue marble" came up, and what a great way to describe the earth.

there will more to share, i'm sure, the more i learn.

Craft Swap!

i am finally able to post these, since my partner has received them (i didn't want to ruin the surprise!). the concept of a craft swap is simple: sign up for one, get a partner, get all their info (interests, fav colors, etc) and make them some things. this swap was centered around frugal living, so i made a lunch bag, make-up organizer, and book full of homemade recipes. here they are!

on a different note, i had previously written that i was committing this year to not spending any money on clothing processed in the traditional sense (ie. using sweatshop labor). i had really hoped to learn how to make my own clothing, but i must admit that i do not have the time nor energy to do this.

which leads to the community aspect of sustainable living. to be so independent in every aspect is actually detrimental; we cannot live lightly on this earth without the help of one another. so i've conceded, but am still committed to buying used clothing (preferably from local stores) or organic/freetrade clothing. it's crazy expensive, but this is the only way to ensure that sweatshop labor is not involved. that being said, any suggestions??

also, at the prompting and encouragement of my roommate, i am trying to detoxify my life through the products i use (toothpaste, makeup, etc.). there are many reasons for this, but the primary being that most products contain preservatives and other ingredients known to cause cancer (petroleum, etc). their production is also very hard on the environment. bad all around.

i have converted to Tom's toothpaste, and won't go back. also trying a more natural shampoo. the latest trial is natural deoderent. Megan has tried one from Kiss My Face, and it's effective for me. though i must say that it is a bit odd getting used to the "sticky" feeling that comes from not using an antipersperant. i constantly feel dirty. i have recently gotten one that is simply made of mineral salts, but i need to research the ingredients more. will keep you updated on the process.

learning Spanish

so technically, i already know basic Spanish. but i helped out one of the neighbors in our building last night and could barely ask his name. it would be nice to communicate more.

so i've turned on Pandora and set-up a Spanish station...just to ease myself back in.